GREY CLOUDS - A WORTHLESS TRYING HARD SUCCESS WANNA-BE

30 September 2018
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The past months have been tough on me. I battled with bouts of confusion, doubt and fear. It felt like a big gray cloud was hanging over me waiting to pour another set of impending disappointments.


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Have you ever experienced being told you are never going to be enough? That no matter how hard you try, the only way to go for you is to fail again and again? And then these words get into your head and you start to believe that you are a worthless trying-hard-success wanna-be? Well, I have.

Months ago, I promised myself to step back from blogging because of these negative feelings. I began to question everything. I started to second guess myself and felt dissatisfied of my outputs. Yes, I may have received a lot of collaborations but don't get me wrong, I truly appreciated the overwhelming response both from my readers and the brands I worked with. But I still felt I could have given more. Do you know that feeling when everybody tells that you've done well but deep down you still feel it could have been better?

 I realized maybe I was just putting so much pressure because I wanted to prove something to those who made me feel little and unworthy. And the saddest part was, these were friends who turned out to be haters. People I trusted and supported. But because their words got into me, it made me weak. It made me super critical of myself. I was totally lost and confused. I know I am great at what I do but still, what they made me feel crippled me in some ways. 

In order for me to get back on track, I returned to the reasons why I started to blog. The core of blogging is being able to improve ourselves and to help other people. It is an opportunity to influence individuals to be great in whatever field they want to be a part of. In any industry, there will always be judgemental eyes and unforgiving tongues ready to strike you when you show a little bit of weakness. So when that happens, be prepared. Go back to your core and stay kind. Well, it took me awhile to understand what was going on but I am glad that I have friends who stayed with me in my darkest days when I could have just given up that easily. I am also thankful to new found friends who inspire me to be better everyday and to continue what I have started because at the end of the day, when you are happy and content with what you put out there, then you should be proud of yourself.

Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Life is not about avoiding getting bruised but it's about collecting scars that prove we made it through. So, continue to work hard. Better days are coming. :)

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