7 March 2020

I have always wondered how would I feel to see you again. I reminisce the times I prayed to God you would change your mind. I look back to all the good memories we have shared together and forget about how you broke your promises… how you broke my heart. I remember  waiting for you outside your office to bring your favorite food because I wanted to surprise you. I remember us holding hands for hours when we went to the South side of Cebu for a beach trip. I remember you kissing my forehead when I was sick. 

I think about the days I convinced myself that you will realize how you made a mistake. But I was obviously wrong, because you never did. I was totally naive to think that you would want us back together - that we have a happily ever after. In retrospect, the things you never did should have been the answer I was looking for. Maybe it took me a while, I guess it was just too difficult to understand how easy it was for you to let me go. I felt blindsided. 

To keep my sanity, I channeled all my energy to loving myself. An idea that never came to mind when you became my world. But I realised that am better than this. I deserve better. I held on to what was left of me and promised to keep on moving forward. I deleted everything - pictures, messages, and memories and gave back all the things you've gifted me. The less I cared, the more I became happy. I wasn't thinking about you anymore. I wasn't even counting the days. I took each morning as a new beginning and found solace in the arms of my family and friends. And I wasn't crying on queue anymore every time a sad love song was played on the radio. I can definitely say that I am more than okay.

And then you made an entrance, "Sorry. I miss you."  This was the moment I was waiting for. The time when you would realize how sorry you were. And that we belong together - that forever is you and me, that in the end, it's still going to be us. I badly wanted to respond and typed a simple and innocent "hello there!" But, I am okay now and I am sure you are as well. Opening ourselves to each other will only open old wounds and I owe it to myself to stay away from toxic situations. Don't get me wrong. Your apology is accepted. Our lives are just meant to be lived without each other, and that is okay. Will I eventually hit the send button for the third time? Hmmm probably not.

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