MERCI

    2021 has been absolutely crazy and interesting, in every way possible. This year has been the lowest of lows and the highest of highs. I am grateful for all the lessons I learned, for all the people I met, and even for the losses I suffered. Thus, my word this year is gratitude. 

Thank you to everyone who’s been on this journey with me. This year, I also learned to love again. It may have not turned out the way I wanted it to be, I am still beyond grateful to know that I am capable of loving someone unconditionally. I wasn’t intending to share this story to anyone but the lesson I learned in the process of accepting what’s not meant to be might help someone, somewhere. 

When you start to spend more time with someone, you open yourself up to him. You listen to his stories and you start to know a little bit more about him. His strengths and weaknesses. His greatest fears and desires. Even down to his favorite food and expressions. 

And then in return, you share your own secrets and past experiences. You become comfortable around him.  You make plans together. He makes you feel that together your past heartaches are bearable because you have each other. And before you know it, you’re in love!

Loving someone is giving parts of yourself that you are too scared to share to the rest of the world. But since you feel safe around him, you give him pieces of yourself. You reveal your true self without the fear of being judged and being misunderstood. You begin to trust him and treat him more than just a friend. You confess that you like him. But he doesn't feel the same way as you do. 

Nobody likes being rejected. It sucks. But it’s not the end of the world. Always remember that it's not about you not being enough. But it is maybe about not being right for each other or not being at the right moment. The sad reality for me is, "I am not just the right person for him and that's okay." 

This isn't the first time I fell in love with a friend. The only difference is, this time around, I took a leap of faith and gathered all the strength I have to accept whatever the outcome of my confession. It was the bravest thing I have ever done in years. I may have not gotten the happy ending I hoped for, but my heart is still full of gratitude. To you, you know who you are, thank you for sharing your time with me. I appreciate all the memories we have shared and will still share together, as friends. And thank you for showing me how beautiful love is. I wish you all the best and I hope you find the love and happiness you deserve. Merci!